In 24 days I will be 30. Turning 29 was difficult for me, more difficult than I ever imagined it would be, considering I never though it would be difficult to begin with.

There’s a stereotype for women turning 30. One I didn’t think I’d fit into, especially after dealing with the emotions of my last birthday. Didn’t I already expend enough time and energy into birthday stress? But as the days creep closer and closer to 30 I feel different..about a lot of things.

I guess every birthday brings with it some reflection about the year(s) past and what’s to come. And this year is no different. I’ve reflected a lot about what this birthday means to me. It feels like a right of passage into adulthood. Like there’s a tangible doorway you walk through into the next phase of your life.

I think more than anything I just want to live up to all the promises I’ve made to myself. I have a lot of expectations to be a certain way, to accomplish a set list of goals, to provide a certain kind of life for my family, to grow into the kind of woman he wants to marry, to check enough off of my list to feel ready for kids (I know, I know like that will ever happen). The thing about turning 30 is that most of the biggest life goals you set for yourself are accomplished in your 30’s, or at the very least the foundation and most of the framing has to be done. And that’s a lot of pressure. And a lot of self doubt.

But that’s the thing about time, it never stops. It doesn’t wait for you to catch your breath, to meet the right person, to advance your career, to make a certain amount of money. It just happens, taunting you, “Ready or not, here I come.”

So I’ve decided to turn the tables on time. Ready or not, Thirty, because here. I. come.