Loneliness has a way of slipping in quite unnoticed. Its cold bony grasp takes hold of you and before you know it, you’re shrouded in darkness. Struggling to find the same meaning in the simplest of things. That little voice in your head gets louder and louder, hurling insults and throwing low blows. It doesn’t take long before those statements ring true and you begin to understand why they don’t call back, why they turn their backs, why you can’t make them happy or hold their attention – you’re invisible, you’re parasitic, you’re nothing.

Loneliness fills your being with ice cold contempt. It floods your mind with falsehoods and warps your perception like a fun house mirror. A persuasive bully, loneliness makes you question your very right to be alive. Loneliness doesn’t discriminate – its victims are old and young, black and white, men and women, rich and poor. Loneliness victimizes those of us who are truly alone and those of us surrounded by friends. Loneliness has one goal, destruction through isolation.

Isolation can be physical or mental, the damage is the same – higher rates of suicide, heart disease, stroke, altered brain function, increased levels of stress and cortisol, antisocial behavior, alcohol and drug abuse, memory problems and altered brain function. It’s no wonder it’s still one of the harshest punishments you can inflict on a person.

The answer to every question or problem in life seems to be “look inward.” But what are you do to when you do turn inward and are met with an overbearing liar telling you how worthless and disgusting you are. Repeating that you’re a mistake, that you’re a burden, that you’re merely tolerated. “You, my friend, aren’t worth their time, attention or respect. Who are you to expect anything from anyone?” it hisses.

So you retreat, you slink away and you wither – a tired, unlovable, clumsy mess with nothing to offer but frustration and heartache. Well deserving of the pain and insults you continue to hurl at your self, you keep your mouth shut and shrink to take up less space. Besides, it’s easier for loneliness to find you that way, a weak and stagnate target with no fight left in it.

You may walk this life feeling as if you don’t belong – a little lost and alone. Craving connections and meaning. Searching desperately for familiarity. Wondering why it doesn’t come as easy as it seems to for others. Hollow and betrayed by your purpose and passion, you continue to search for the answer, the meaning, the truth. But My Love, you forget that you hold wonders inside of you.

Settled peacefully just beneath the soft skin and beating heart of your being lay two worlds so beautifully and complexly intertwined – coexisting in a perfectly chaotic dance of infinite love, endless wisdom and purpose.  Your truest  form, comprised of star dust and eternity, takes hold of me, piecing my soul in an undeniable gesture of honor and remembrance. My reward – all encompassing, beautifully complex and powerful.

You fill my being with rejuvenation and hope. You lift me closer to divinity than I ever fathomed possible. You’ve guided me along the path of self discovery and taught me what it means to have integrity. You’ve demonstrated selfless love time and time again. You are a reward beyond measure.

It’s no wonder you feel such disconnection from this world at times. To be a reward is a great responsibility. A reward is something sought after, the most valuable, better than the rest, something unique and so desirable that it changes behavior, motivates political outcomes, incites wars, creates peace, serves as a teacher, mends broken hearts, changes lives and above all else acts as a reflection of ourselves. To navigate this world with that much purpose and power swirling around inside of you must prove too much to bear at times.

So maybe, in the quietest of moments, when the darkness creeps in and the space between you seems boundless, you bury it. Maybe you tell yourself none of it is true or real. Maybe you look to yourself with frustration and impatience, forever scolding and doubting your ability. Maybe you tell yourself those feelings of not belonging are because you’re not good enough. What do you possibly have to offer, you ask yourself. Self loathing and angry, confused and lonely, these thoughts settle deeper and deeper into your psyche, until they become a part of your identity.

But fear not, My Love. For you carry greatness inside of you – magnificent, cataclysmic, mind altering, life changing greatness. The power of Source. The power of love. The power of your own soul in recognition of its worth. You are protected. You are guided. You are loved more than can ever possibly be expressed in this lifetime. You have come into this world a reward, not just to me, but to every soul you encounter. Your calming spirit and innate wisdom have the ability to heal and repair the deepest and most damaged of souls. You are more than a reward. You are a hero. You are love incarnate and you are divine.

So stand tall, My Love. Take command of your power. Push the darkness away and say no more will you conquer me. No more will you lie to me. No more will you diminish my light. You are here on this Earth to be a healer, to be a lover, to be a teacher, to be a student, to be in your worth. You are rewarded, My Love, and that is something that can never be taken away from you.

Sometimes I get scared. Not that there’s a boogeyman under the bed or that I left the iron plugged in, a different kind of scared. The kind of scared when you realize that you found your cosmic twin, when you see your soul reflected back in their eyes, when you think about them more times in a day than breaths you take. This fear isn’t born out of the immense magnitude of love I’ve never felt before or the overwhelming reality of a thousand lifetimes culminating in this very moment. No.

It’s the fear of loss. The fear of inadequacy. The fear of past life karma stealing you away from me. The fear you’ll wake up one morning and finally see that I’m not as wonderful as you’ve convinced yourself I am. That maybe my clumsy nature, forgetfulness and messes will prove too much to bear. That maybe you’ll find someone who tells better jokes and makes a living as a Jennifer Aniston impersonator. But then there are those times that you look at me. And it becomes so apparent in that instant. I feel the birth of the universe exploding and expanding inside my chest, I’m immortal, I’m free, I’m yours. Bust most of all, I’m fearless.

 

 

Anxiety comes and goes, like an old friend I never much cared for. It slowly tightens its grip as it robs me of any lingering comfort I had in my own skin. Burning, twitching, sweating, muscles contracting. Logic vacates all crevasses of my mind as I rapidly devolve into an inarticulate and insecure ghost of myself.

Fear. Fear. Fear. Looming always under the thinly veiled surface. Quick witted and sharp tongued, it feeds my insecurity. Hissing violent insults and harsh fantasies of a lonely and hated existence.

Illusions of grandeur come crashing down, exactly where they belong, in a smoldering pile at your feet. You look around you and see that your worst fears have come true. You’re completely alone with only the cold comfort of fear wrapping itself tightly around you, bone chilling and unforgiving. As if Satan himself orchestrated the whole affair.

Victory. Victory. Victory. It repeats, hissing and spitting in your ear. You fall to your knees, your head hanging as sweat and tears gently roll down your cheeks, scorching the burnt ground beneath you as it falls. And for the first time, you think “This is it.” There is nothing left to give, no more fight to muster, no more reasons to get back up.

 

 

It feels silly and almost condescending to write about life advice. I mean who am I to be doling out advice like some wise old sage who’s lived a thousand lifetimes. I’m only 31. I grew up in a pretty sheltered existence with lots of love and opportunity. I’ve never been married, I don’t have any children yet (just a very rambunctious border collie) and I’ve been pretty darn blessed. So what could I possibly have to offer you?

I think this question is better turned inward. Ask yourself – what do you possibly have to offer? And the answer, my friends, is  e v e r y t h i n g.

One thing I do know, the world is changing. We’re waking up. Whether we realize it or not, the world is waking up. And just like the experience of waking from a long nap with a feeling of total and utter confusion and disorientation, there’s going to be a lot of people who don’t quite understand what they’re feeling or thinking, or why.

It has become a deeply ingrained aspect of the human experience to put ourselves down, deny ourselves, punish, withhold, even abuse ourselves. All in the name of humility and repentance. Knowing our “place” in the world. But you are being  lied  to.

You are capable of miracles. You are capable of changing the world as we know it, transforming what it means to be human, breaking down all structures of fear and control. Just like that, you have the power. You are made of stars, impenetrable to time. Master of your own fate. You are the pure representation of divine love, pulsing through the cosmos. Going about life with amnesia to the truth of how much power you’re carrying around.

Don’t be afraid. Embrace it. Let it run through you like water.

Always the best of intentions. Thinking so thoughtfully through each word before it’s chosen, the intention, the meaning, the reaction. Oh the reaction. It fills my whole being with anticipation and floods my brain with an ocean of dopamine. Tossing, twirling, spinning, twisting, a chaotic rush of complication fills every inch of my emotional capacity.

I burst at the very seams with visions of his face, strong and handsome, as if Donatello himself carved him from Italian marble. His eyes, green as Greek olives ripening on the branch, with a burst of amber radiating from the center, see me completely. His lips are a perfect fit against mine, breathing new life into every fiber of my being. His hands, soft and powerful, move along my curves with such intention, as if they’ve memorized the innumerable forms of my body. He gives me a high that nothing on the planet can touch. The rush of pure connection, the feeling of being enough, just the way I am, wholey complete and enveloped in his love, a perfect cocktail of ubiquitous intoxication.

A quiet and formidable force to be reckoned with, he navigates life with an unlikely mix of precision and free spirit. His humble nature blinds him from seeing what a guiding light he is for those he loves. Compassion and benevolence frame his intentions as he sees the best in everyone, especially me. Like a child paralyzed with wonder and awe, I look at him, baffled and overwhelmed that he chose me.

His motivation is like a storm of determination that wraps me up in its fervent gusts of wind and carries me to a place of miraculous change and evolution. With him by my side we’ve seen the most beautiful aspects of life, explored the world, waged war against fear and doubt, fought to become the people we’ve always wanted to be, met our higher selves, and above all else learned that love will always be the truth, the answer, the cure, the miracle, the force that refuses to be reckoned with.

Twisting and twirling through galaxies, transcending time and space together, a love that predates this world. As infinite as the universe we hold inside, ours is a love that even time will lie down and be still for.

 

 

It’s an interesting experience, waking up. Of course, we wake up every day. But I’m talking about really, truly waking up. Living in the world, not just existing in it. Seeing past the colors into the fiber of what creates being. Watching the world around you with awe and compassion.

Imagine this world as a box. A nice, neat little box that contains everything you know to be your life – your family and friends, your home, church, job, shops, government, laws, money, expectations, celebrity. When you wake up, you begin to see the edges and walls of the box around you. Trapped.

But if you concentrate and really focus you’ll begin to float, gently, higher and higher like a helium balloon slipping the grasp of a small child. And when you reach the top you’re surprised and yet sure of the fact that there is no lid on the box. It was all a fantastic creation of man. And you float even higher, past the confines of the box and all of its restrictions. You can look down on life as it continues to unfold beneath you, but you’re seeing from an entirely new perspective with new truths and understanding of oneness and connection, evolution and vibration. You can still exist in your world as you know it from inside the box, but you’re on a different plane. A clearer path. Freer.

 

Do you ever feel like you have greatness inside of you? Like it’s settled itself just beneath the surface of your being. It feels so close you can actually taste it on your tongue, feel it on your lips. You can smell the pheromones of success, you catch glimpses of it out of the corner of your eye, almost as if it’s taunting you.

I feel as if I’m precariously placed at the precipice of greatness.

Sometimes that greatness swells inside of me and I feel 10 times my size, capable of anything and everything. Ready to take on the world. But other times it calcifies deep in the pit of my stomach and aches. It feeds off my confidence and softly whispers insults about how incapable I am. How silly I am for believing I have a chance at greatness.

We all think we’re special and unique. That we hold the key to change the world. Yet we stay comfortably (or uncomfortably) inside our bubble of mediocrity. Accepting the same bullshit from the same dead end job. Driving the same commute twice a day. Buying our groceries and living our lives. Time passes. The days speed by. And greatness continues to lay dormant inside each of us.

But we’re all worth so much more than what we choose to accept for ourselves. We have all the awe and wonder of the infinite universe inside of us, pulsing through our veins, breathing life into our lungs. Greatness isn’t just settled beneath the surface of our beings, it’s desperately trying to burst free. It’s just as trapped as you are. Locked inside a carefully crafted cage of mediocre disappointments and misrepresentation.

But something is changing. People are waking up. Greatness is calling and people are listening.

Expand your horizons, clear your mind, forget everything you’ve been told, open your eyes and see the world for the first time all over again. Remind yourself how to truly feel the world around you. Notice the smells, watch the clouds twist and curl across the sky, run your fingers through someone’s hair, submerge yourself in water and let it dance and flow across your skin, listen to the melody of the world as it happens around you. Next time you’re locked in an embrace with someone you love, pay attention to your body, to your thoughts, to the pounding of your heart, the way their lips feel against yours, feel the hairs stand up on the back of your arm as they run their fingers across your skin, notice the energy around you amplify as the collective cosmic oneness in you recognizes itself in your partner’s embrace.

Greatness is calling. Are you going to answer?

 

They knew each other well. Not just from this lifetime, but hundreds. Their time predates this world. Their souls were once one, twisting and twirling through galaxies, transcending time and space. Until one day they were separated, sent to this earth on a cosmic mission of love and learning.

But they struggled to be apart. They wondered the earth, calling to each other, desperately seeking their other half. The trouble was, coming to this life was like awakening from a dream, all that was left of the other was a vague and fleeting memory – like a lingering feeling cementing their destiny. But they knew. They weren’t meant to live these lifetimes without the other. So they continued to search. They spanned continents and languages, they fought wars and they welcomed peace. But they never stopped searching.