It’s hard to move forward when the past is all around you. Isn’t it called the past for a reason? Experiences, moments, events happen in life that seem devastatingly unfair. You feel as if you’re literally dying from the inside. But most of us are able to fight through it. Become better and stronger for it. But in the moments when the past won’t stay where it belongs, it challenges even the strongest person.

Relationships, especially new ones, should be about the future. What can we achieve together, how do we better each other, then in the most amazing situations you fall in love. This is typically when you feel unstoppable. You’re perfect. You’re ecstatic. But then as you’re minding your own business, living your own life, the past appears. Right in front of you. Wearing all black with a fake smile plastered across its face. As if to say “Just wait and see what I can do.” You slowly follow behind it as it walks with a strong purpose. It knows exactly where it’s going, what to show you in that moment to make you forget the future, forget what you have to do that day, forget why you’re even in the situation to begin with. It saunters into your present right in front of your face. It’s laughing at you. And there’s nothing you can do.

You watch as the past tries to wrap it’s cold grip around your future. And suddenly you lose all composure. You can’t watch it wrap itself around your love, your hope. So you walk past, catch one last glimpse of your present and the past mingling in a most unnatural manner. You slow down as you walk, hoping to make eye contact with your present. Let them know you’re there. That you see. That you love. And that. That is the moment you can’t hold it in. In that instant the past wins. And it knows exactly what it’s done. That’s what it feeds on. Knowing it can still have an affect on the present and the future.

The past is selfish. Clad in darkness, regrets, it fills you with guilt. It fools us into thinking things were better than they were. It comes back to ruin what we’ve tried so hard to overcome and forget. It  washes away the light and clouds your judgement. Making you forget what your future holds; what is waiting for you just down the bend. Some are lucky enough to keep their past an ocean away. Others can’t get more then 20 steps away. But no matter the distance the past always finds ways to sneak its way back into your present. To test perhaps how far you’ve really come.

You can have all the trust in the world in someone, but when you see someone you love so much interacting with their past it hurts. Regardless of the reasons. Even if it may serve a bigger purpose to secure a more stable future together. You feel the hot tears roll down your cheeks. And in that instant you know that the past won. All you can do is let the tears fall. Try to hold your head high and remember there’s a reason the past is where it is. And there’s an even better reason you’re the present and the future. You know no matter how hard the past pounds and fights, it won’t replace you. But until then I’ll feel the pain, the confusion, the anger. I’ll play over in my head the fantasy of the past being taken down and removed like an old movie poster, never to make an appearance again. Locked away where it belongs. Far, far away from love, from innocence, from opportunity, from our future.

Until then, I’ll keep my head high. I’ll keep my trust strong and my love stronger. And one day I’ll laugh at the past as it walks by.

But until then, I’ll let the tears fall.